Passion Week Ponderings (of the sarcasm-touched kind)

We stand on the porch looking down our bent noses at our brothers who’ve come back home after cavorting with the world. A day’s pay for a day’s work, that’s our motto! If you don’t have a job, get one! God is good all the time but, brother, you’re a pain in the ass. Now go back to your pig slop and dancing whores!

We keep a nice supply of oil on hand for our lamps. We can’t help it if the other side of the world is dark, maybe they should learn to burn rendered fat from their starving cattle and babies. We’ve got parties to go to, people to see, commerce to be attended to; we don’t have time to keep everybody else lit up!

We need loudspeakers when we pray. We need football fields to pray over, and flags
a-flappin’in the background while we’re a-prayin’. God hears us better that way. And that way the people on the other side of the street can hear us better, too. Might do them a world of good.

That floozy, ass-twitchin’ blondie across the street- look at her! She sashays by here every day about this time- she’s just asking for it. She really wants it.We need to run her out of town before some of these teenage boys get permanent kinks in their necks.

(And would someone please shoot that goddam Samaritan that keeps passing though here. He needs to get a life. He’s trying to make the rest of us look bad. And tell that woman who comes into the church on Monday mornings with her snot-nosed kids to keep her precious little handful of change. It costs us more to count it than its worth. And get some *No Trespassing* signs up in the parking lot- those skateboarders need to find somewhere else to be laughing and carryin’ on.)

God, we love the smell of More Rules in the morning!

By the way, what are these reports we’re hearing about some guy up north saying his god is more important than the old Red, White, and Blue? And that he’s trying to organize a New World Order of God, and that he’s going to let the prisoners go? What the hell is that all about? Go find out what you can on him! we’ve got a rope, we’ve got a tree…hahahah– you remember that old saying? From back in the good old days?

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