Starbuck’s War on Morality..(or something)

From Minneapolis Star-Tribunr, By PAUL WALSH


Seems that one person’s smut is another person’s morning latte.

A Christian group based in San Diego found grounds for outrage over the new retro-style logo for Starbucks Coffee.

The Resistance says the new image “has a naked woman on it with her legs spread like a prostitute,” Mark Dice, founder of the group, said in a news release. “Need I say more? It’s extremely poor taste, and the company might as well call themselves Slutbucks.”

Does not this observation by by Mark Dice of The Resistance speak far more loudly about his state of mind than it does about the moral fabric of Starbuck’s? If little tiny ink engraved nipples on the side of a coffee cup send Mr. Dice into an outrage, imagine what apoplexy a casual flip-through of this week’s TIME magazine must cause him. Or perhaps he is the type who takes a Sharpie pen to the library each month when the new National Geographics are delivered, to “protect the children” of course.

Thus, Chapter 8,397 in the continuing saga of the bending of the gospels into nothing more than a set of hare-brained, silly doctrinal stances, taken by whatever group wants to claim “Watchman on the Wall” status this week. There are so many such groups! This one- The Resistance claims 3000 members nationwide. Imagine being a person who is starved for the love Jesus can bring, and asking the only Christian in his/her vicinity for help..and it turns out to be a Resistance member with a big Bible in one hand and an empty Starbuck’s cup in the other!

I’d run from such nonsense. And I would urge anyone else to run, too. Because what they’re about to get pounded with is 21st century, American, Western, doctrinal Churchianity that seeks to bend human will into the image of whatever false idol that group has erected at the moment. They, no doubt, will hear much more about Satan than Jesus, and a whole lot more about God’s imminent and angry justice than about Jesus’ immediate and compassionate love.

My Kingdom..for a cup of coffee


I’m taking a stress test later today and the cardiologist asked (demanded, the jerk) that I drink no coffee during the 36 hours preceding the test. It is now hour # 30, and I am sitting here in my backyard, at the edge of hell.

The sun is irritatingly bright. The birds are screechy, the crickets are monotonous, and even my beloved dogs have turned on me, underfoot and demanding. I am having some major spiritual revelations, too:

re: The expulsion of Adam and Eve from the Garden because of disobedience. I’ve decided that coffee beans were piled there in abundance. Rich and shiny, golden brown gifts of God to begin each morning in Paradise. Out of the Garden, they would be forced to drink.. green tea.

re: The Buddha’s First Noble Truth, that Life is full of Suffering. Amen, Siddartha! But, then, what other conclusion could he have come to? He would never have had the opportunity to hold a grand latte, cupped warmly in his hands, as he breathed in the sweet aroma of South American mountainsides. Green tea would NOT have begun to satisfy that deep and basic human need.

Coffee elevates the human spirit! It helps us focus! It is an aromatic, erotic, exultant pathway to each new day! It is to be savored while having meditative thoughts and sipped while contemplatively aligning oneself with God.

That’s the first pot, anyway.

The rest of the day, it is to keep the headaches away that result from the bouncing around of empty spaces in the bloodstream and brain that a lack of caffeine are wont to cause.

You want to talk about stress, Doctor? ALL RIGHT, you practitioner of the healing arts! You’ve got my STRESS! I’m jittery, headachey, crabby, and feeling mean. I’m feeling mean enough to chew through the leather straps which seem to be squeezing my head right now tighter and tighter and….

Only 8 hours until I can go to Starbucks- which is 2.3 miles from the Doctor’s office..which means that at 5:10, 0r 5:11, I will be handing money to an 18 year old barrista, and begging her/him to give me back my life..

Postscript: 6 p.m. God’s in his heaven; all’s right with the world.